Ryan Eagle: Super Affiliate E-Thug, Yo.

18 November
86 Comments
by nickycakes

For those who have been following along with Nickycakes.com for the past year or so if its existence, you’re well familiar with the frequent posts about people, companies, services, etc, who are complete jokes.  If you need a refresher course, feel free to read these awesome writeups on Ubercamp, Affspy, Izea Ranks, and Make Money Online Blogs.

Some argue that these kinds of posts only serve to bring more attention to the idiots out there, but Nickycakes feels like he would be doing the industry a huge disservice by not exposing complete douchebags for who they really are.

So who is Ryan Eagle?  Honestly, this is one person who doesn’t really need much “exposing” for people to realize he’s a douchebag.  The only problem is that he’s pretty much a complete nobody, so not many people have had the opportunity to get lots of laughs at this guy’s expense yet.  Thats where the Cakes comes in.  Rather than doing a long write-up about why this guy is a retard, Nickycakes is just going to give you a short story and then just present you with a bunch of self-explanitory screenshots and short narration that should paint a decent picture for you.

The story:  Ryan Eagle jumped on the weight loss product bandwagon a little late and copied other peoples landing pages to make his own (pretty common these days, and not really the point) and ended up being lucky enough to have his site featured on TMZ for using kim kardashian’s image and name to promote his products.  When people made fun of him on wickedfire forums, and exposed him for being a douche, rather than laugh it off like pretty much any normal person would do when made fun of by people on an internet forum, he decided to cry himself to sleep and take things to the next level.  At ad:tech ny, the dude [allegedly] walked up to maks67 from wickedfire with his internet marketing gangsta’ swagger, which can also be described as swaying back and forth as much as possible to pretend like you’re swinging a giant non-existant chain around your neck which actually just makes people notice how unnaturally large your head is compared to your bird chest body.  Apparently he was upset that maks had poked fun of him on the forums, and, backed up by 2 of his friends, [allegedly] proceeded to talk some sort of trash to him.  Maks laughed in the dudes face and walked away, which is to be expected from any level-headed person when presented with such douchebaggery.

After hearing about this later on that evening, Cakes had no choice but to make fun of the kid on wickedfire as well.  He was then contacted by Ryan Eagle himself, who asked things along the lines of “why you hatin’, yo” and, “i make a lot of money, just ask AO JON, he’s rich too” (keep in mind aojon…aka jon fisher…owner of wickedfire.. is one of nickycakes’ great personal friends and barely even has any idea who this kid is).  After explaining to Mr. Eagle that his best bet was to stop taking the internet so seriously, Cakes was then contacted by one of Ryan’s e-thug friends who also had questions about why Nickycakes was “hatin’” since “you don’t even know me, yo”.  They had many inquiries about how much Cakes makes per day, etc…which pretty much anyone with half a brain knows isn’t really disclosed too often, because frankly, it doesn’t matter to anyone but Cakes.

Ok, story pretty much over… now time for Nickycakes to let Ryan Eagle own himself:

This is pretty telling, here’s a pic on the front page of his “blog” where he had someone make a picture of him standing in front of a sparkling car and a giant pile of whats supposed to be money but looks more like green paperback novels, holding a stack of papers, wearing a shiny watch, a…pointer ring… and sporting bull cut more retarded looking than jim carrey in dumb and dumber…

Really,…Hopefully you didn’t pay too much for that, kid.

Here’s one from a blog post where he’s bragging about his awesome new ring and his bling bling watch.  Listen…if you’re going to buy a watch with diamonds on it, save up your money and get something nice, not a $500 pile of crap from a girls watch company.  Have some self respect man.

Here’s a screenshot from his myspace:

Oh…and…25543 friends?  Hopefully you paid someone to add all those people…..

Here’s his pic from his hi5 profile:

And just some random other pictures that are good for a few laughs:

All sortsa stuff wrong with that suit, good lord.

Honestly, Nickycakes couldn’t even make this stuff up if he tried.

Keep it real.

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