Ryan Eagle: Super Affiliate E-Thug, Yo.
Posted on November 18th, 2008 in Funny, Retards
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For those who have been following along with Nickycakes.com for the past year or so if its existence, you’re well familiar with the frequent posts about people, companies, services, etc, who are complete jokes. If you need a refresher course, feel free to read these awesome writeups on Ubercamp, Affspy, Izea Ranks, and Make Money Online Blogs.
Some argue that these kinds of posts only serve to bring more attention to the idiots out there, but Nickycakes feels like he would be doing the industry a huge disservice by not exposing complete douchebags for who they really are.
So who is Ryan Eagle? Honestly, this is one person who doesn’t really need much “exposing” for people to realize he’s a douchebag. The only problem is that he’s pretty much a complete nobody, so not many people have had the opportunity to get lots of laughs at this guy’s expense yet. Thats where the Cakes comes in. Rather than doing a long write-up about why this guy is a retard, Nickycakes is just going to give you a short story and then just present you with a bunch of self-explanitory screenshots and short narration that should paint a decent picture for you.
The story: Ryan Eagle jumped on the weight loss product bandwagon a little late and copied other peoples landing pages to make his own (pretty common these days, and not really the point) and ended up being lucky enough to have his site featured on TMZ for using kim kardashian’s image and name to promote his products. When people made fun of him on wickedfire forums, and exposed him for being a douche, rather than laugh it off like pretty much any normal person would do when made fun of by people on an internet forum, he decided to cry himself to sleep and take things to the next level. At ad:tech ny, the dude [allegedly] walked up to maks67 from wickedfire with his internet marketing gangsta’ swagger, which can also be described as swaying back and forth as much as possible to pretend like you’re swinging a giant non-existant chain around your neck which actually just makes people notice how unnaturally large your head is compared to your bird chest body. Apparently he was upset that maks had poked fun of him on the forums, and, backed up by 2 of his friends, [allegedly] proceeded to talk some sort of trash to him. Maks laughed in the dudes face and walked away, which is to be expected from any level-headed person when presented with such douchebaggery.
After hearing about this later on that evening, Cakes had no choice but to make fun of the kid on wickedfire as well. He was then contacted by Ryan Eagle himself, who asked things along the lines of “why you hatin’, yo” and, “i make a lot of money, just ask AO JON, he’s rich too” (keep in mind aojon…aka jon fisher…owner of wickedfire.. is one of nickycakes’ great personal friends and barely even has any idea who this kid is). After explaining to Mr. Eagle that his best bet was to stop taking the internet so seriously, Cakes was then contacted by one of Ryan’s e-thug friends who also had questions about why Nickycakes was “hatin’” since “you don’t even know me, yo”. They had many inquiries about how much Cakes makes per day, etc…which pretty much anyone with half a brain knows isn’t really disclosed too often, because frankly, it doesn’t matter to anyone but Cakes.
Ok, story pretty much over… now time for Nickycakes to let Ryan Eagle own himself:
This is pretty telling, here’s a pic on the front page of his “blog” where he had someone make a picture of him standing in front of a sparkling car and a giant pile of whats supposed to be money but looks more like green paperback novels, holding a stack of papers, wearing a shiny watch, a…pointer ring… and sporting bull cut more retarded looking than jim carrey in dumb and dumber…
Really,…Hopefully you didn’t pay too much for that, kid.
Here’s one from a blog post where he’s bragging about his awesome new ring and his bling bling watch. Listen…if you’re going to buy a watch with diamonds on it, save up your money and get something nice, not a $500 pile of crap from a girls watch company. Have some self respect man.
Here’s a screenshot from his myspace:
Oh…and…25543 friends? Hopefully you paid someone to add all those people…..
Here’s his pic from his hi5 profile:
And just some random other pictures that are good for a few laughs:
All sortsa stuff wrong with that suit, good lord.
Honestly, Nickycakes couldn’t even make this stuff up if he tried.
Keep it real.
November 18th, 2008 at 11:34 pm
word! nick just hit a now low.
that shit was vicious.
November 18th, 2008 at 11:35 pm
hahaha, nice compilation there. I’m such a e-celebrity just exactly how I dreamed it!!!!!!!!!!
How long did that take you?
November 18th, 2008 at 11:43 pm
bout 20 minutes
November 18th, 2008 at 11:45 pm
This post is the lolcakes
November 18th, 2008 at 11:47 pm
Comment worthy and hilarious, as usual. (^_^)
November 18th, 2008 at 11:52 pm
All I have to say is
Keep it real.
Keep it real.
Keep it real.
Keep it real.
Keep it real.
Keep it real.
Keep it real.
November 19th, 2008 at 12:00 am
Wow, either Ryan is a total douchebag or an absolute genius, since he’s turned this whole thing into more publicity for himself.
Were I him, and wanting to get more exposure for his affiliate marketing company, I’d so all kinds of silly stuff to get people to talk about me all day– all the while, sitting back and laughing.
One thing they say about arguing on forums and places like this is that it’s like the Special Olympics– even if you win, you’re still a retard.
In that case, we’re all losers for even spending time talking about useless stuff– me, too.
November 19th, 2008 at 12:05 am
sounds like jealousy to me. I dont even know how i stumbled across this thing, and i certainly dont know Ryan Eagle, or nammycakes or w/e his stupid name is.. but definately sounds like he’s jealous. I could find a picture of anything that looked nice, and rip on it like the watch example. Sure maybe he’s blowing his money on crap, but he probably makes more then the writer of this article.
November 19th, 2008 at 12:05 am
hoodrat shit son
November 19th, 2008 at 12:10 am
Damn son, why you gotta be hatin on a p-i-m-p, son?
Classic shit, bud.
November 19th, 2008 at 12:27 am
If I were a bettin’ man (which I am) I would bet that the comment made by Ryan Eagle and namcakes are coming from the same IP!
Oh and that catoonish pic of himself, it looks like he is holding a barf bag in front of his face.
Nice post Cakes. Keep ‘em comin.
November 19th, 2008 at 12:30 am
This is like Icy Hot Stunnaz all over again.
November 19th, 2008 at 12:33 am
Anyone who has time to be writing about their ring, their car or how much they’re spending on viagra every month ought to be working harder on their campaigns.
November 19th, 2008 at 12:53 am
/me hollas back.
November 19th, 2008 at 12:57 am
Jesus this post delivers…now if ppc.bz could do a follow-up that would be great kthx.
November 19th, 2008 at 1:12 am
You guys are going to turn this kid into the next John Chow.
November 19th, 2008 at 1:16 am
After looking at his blog, I feel the need to bring him to the south-side of Chicago where he can “bond” with some fellow hustlers. And by bond I mean get his posing white ass kicked.
November 19th, 2008 at 1:20 am
lol.. wow dude. Where do all of these douchebags find the time to press buttons on the interwebs?
November 19th, 2008 at 1:31 am
wow, this is the post of the year. What a baller - haha!
November 19th, 2008 at 1:37 am
Daniel Kemp should hook up with Eagle Web Assets for some good World Emperor Promos.
November 19th, 2008 at 1:46 am
Bahahahahahaha!!!!
You made my day, Nicky! Fucking hilarious!
November 19th, 2008 at 2:43 am
No more “I’m rick james Bitch!” for me. I’m all in for “I’m Ryan Eagle, Bitch!”
November 19th, 2008 at 3:07 am
These comments are on fire.
LOL @ “nammycakes”
November 19th, 2008 at 5:10 am
Looking to meet….a Queen….for this King?
What the motherfuck?
November 19th, 2008 at 5:53 am
Only in this industry do you find such clowns without a clue how to act in the real world.
November 19th, 2008 at 6:42 am
This post is epic. I saw the name Ryan Eagle getting thrown around on WF and honestly I had no idea who he was. This sums it all up and made me laugh out loud. I’m hoping this kid is at Summit for some more laughs.
November 19th, 2008 at 7:38 am
Um Bitchycakes, just a question, when did you get into the online weight loss game? I remember selling weight loss supplements in the 90’s.
So to sum it up, you to are in the weight loss game late, as if there is a bad time to get into that niche online or off!
November 19th, 2008 at 8:34 am
I’ll see you guys are affiliate summit!!! I cannot wait!
November 19th, 2008 at 8:50 am
I normally have to pay for this kind of entertainment…
November 19th, 2008 at 8:53 am
@Adhustler
Yeah same I was reading about this on WF too and had no clue, but that is some pretty funny stuff, get any pics of him at adtech?
November 19th, 2008 at 9:33 am
ryan eagle is an 8th grade virgin
November 19th, 2008 at 9:52 am
Looks like someone has been using his grandmother’s QVC account.
November 19th, 2008 at 9:53 am
Why you giving jokes like this oxygen?!
November 19th, 2008 at 10:09 am
his swagger is like - ummmmm, hmmm - dont even know. pathetic he had to rally his boys to check a dude out
November 19th, 2008 at 12:04 pm
ryan eagle is a good guy and an internet pro. I know him personally. he seems to do really well for himself. I’ve been to his house. Funny article though.
November 19th, 2008 at 12:36 pm
How could you post all of those images and miss the “full bar” of empty bottles?
http://www.ryaneagle.com/pictures/house/barstuff.jpg
November 19th, 2008 at 4:52 pm
You know how I know you’re gay? Because you’re wearing a Camo Hoodie for a MySpace pose.
November 19th, 2008 at 6:42 pm
# Chi-Town Boy Says:
November 19th, 2008 at 1:16 am
After looking at his blog, I feel the need to bring him to the south-side of Chicago where he can “bond” with some fellow hustlers. And by bond I mean get his posing white ass kicked.
Better watch it man, that kid’s from Buffalo Shit, Tennessee or some-damn-where.
November 19th, 2008 at 8:50 pm
Best post ever!
November 19th, 2008 at 9:07 pm
Great post, very funny. But I don’t see why you had to drag Lloyd Christmas into it.
November 19th, 2008 at 9:33 pm
I wish someone had a shot of the fucking hat this kid was wearing at ad-tech.
Epic post… Someone actually called me to tell me to read it.
November 19th, 2008 at 10:02 pm
Nicky, you are the Perez Hilton of the affiliate marketing scene.
November 19th, 2008 at 11:11 pm
I love the comparison to perez hilton. No one likes to admit it, but we all read it.
You should re-brand as Ryanz Eagle.com
November 20th, 2008 at 12:11 am
If you had to be stuck on an island alone with either Ryan Eagle or Amit Mehta, who would you choose?
November 20th, 2008 at 1:55 am
I think I’m a fan of his “HOES, CARS, CLOTHES, MONEY” gif… BWAHAHAHAHA
November 20th, 2008 at 10:00 am
Great post - your style makes me laugh every time. Keep it up!
The worst part by far was his “about me” from myspace. I’m surprised no one else has mentioned the great disparity between “I have 35 employees working for me” and “I work out of a home office with my dad”. You let 35 people into your home on a daily basis? I know K-12 schools that operate with fewer employees than that…
Or maybe he’s consulted with a lawyer (for incorporation) and an accountant (for 2 hours a year preparing taxes) and is counting their entire firms as his “employees”. Who knows…
November 20th, 2008 at 10:15 am
Great Post Nicky! i actually think u went a little EZ on the Ryan-Flake!
Keep up the great work!!!
November 20th, 2008 at 12:35 pm
OMFG!
I dont usually LMFAO, but for reals this time.
That is sooo fucking funny!!!
Glad you posted this- what a clown. This kid needs to grow up…
November 20th, 2008 at 2:32 pm
lmao @ h5 profile pix is…wat a fruitcake…dis nikka is hard yo, werd!
November 20th, 2008 at 2:57 pm
Jokes! That’s what you call a cyber clout!
November 21st, 2008 at 3:38 am
hahahahahaha shame
November 21st, 2008 at 5:47 am
Comical post Cakes. That kid is definately a herb for fronting so hard like that. Be easy man. Make your paper and keep it thorough no need to front to impress anyone, you will learn just being yourself is the best genuine image, you don’t have to pretend to pretend then forget that your pretending.
Don
November 21st, 2008 at 6:25 am
The best post of the year!
November 21st, 2008 at 8:31 am
hahahahahaha
November 21st, 2008 at 12:19 pm
Seriously though man, you gotta give this kid some credit. After all, he kicks Amit Mehta’s ass when it comes to posting Gay Pictures of himself on his blog and on hi5.
November 21st, 2008 at 12:41 pm
Very true lord brar
November 22nd, 2008 at 4:22 am
From his blog “This is enough bling for me, now it’s time to add to the watch collection and work on getting that icey Breitling. New Ice ”
Ryan, with this type of attitude, I’m a little disappointed with the pic of your car. Not pimped out at all. Stop slackin’ homie.
On another note, TMZ can’t do anything to pass the time expect put screenshots of this on their site. All they do these days is stalk kelsey grammer and put random screenshots on their site. That’s sad.
November 22nd, 2008 at 10:34 am
Nothing screams “Local Mall Glamour Shots” like some gaudy costume jewelry and swap meet sunglasses. Classic post Nicky-
November 22nd, 2008 at 10:36 am
following up….
and in that conference pic. His mind should be less on money and more on that God-awful tie and belt combo…
Shall I go on?
November 25th, 2008 at 8:18 pm
60th reply to this post. Anyone have a fraction to back up how many people reply over how many actually read? It’s probably the same as our mail out CTR%.
Just goes to show you that regardless of whatever his intent was he’s gotten more publicity out of this than you wanted.
Project Failed.
November 25th, 2008 at 8:20 pm
Who said i cared if he got more publicity?
weak troll FAILED
November 26th, 2008 at 1:24 am
Weak Troll?
You’ve done nothing but bring attention to his person, and if you aren’t being paid to do so, stop f*cking advertising for him to get more people interested in his affiliate marketing company. Clear enough?
November 26th, 2008 at 1:56 am
How about i post whatever the fuck i want and you go drink some draino while taking a bath with your toaster. That sounds like a better plan to me.
November 26th, 2008 at 2:04 pm
Awww someone is sad :(. It’s a sad day when someone who reacts to a comment with such vigilance, disregards the offensive comment and ‘bitches out’, only to talk about something completely off topic. You truly are an e-king nickycakes.
November 26th, 2008 at 2:06 pm
Hopefully that’s opened your eyes into how much sense you’re making. Why not respond to my comment? Instead you say drink draino ‘i’ll post whatever the fuck i want’ lmfao. You are the epitome of the ’super affiliate e thug yo’ you are trying to put down. That’s the sad part.
November 30th, 2008 at 10:17 am
How is this for real? I had no idea characters like this existed in this industry. I seriously thought it was all John Chows until I found this blog tonight. Been looking in the totally wrong places.
November 30th, 2008 at 10:26 pm
I don’t know. I think it’s pretty sad that you’ve spent the past 3 posts having a conversation with yourself.
November 30th, 2008 at 10:53 pm
You mean the past year right?
December 1st, 2008 at 11:21 am
Hmmmmmm, Ian said is swag, LOL, to be honest, I don’t even think he deserves to hear the word swag. Does he not realize Bapes was like 4-5 years ago and he’s rockin’ it like its the latest fashion.
Ha ha, this guy needs a hobby if you ask me. And if you can’t man up and handle shyt on your own without having your boys back you up in talking shyt, you a straight lame, real talk.
December 1st, 2008 at 1:47 pm
LOL @ Icy Hot Stuntaz all over again….
December 2nd, 2008 at 2:11 am
“And if you can’t man up and handle shyt on your own without having your boys back you up in talking shyt”
I assumed it was all the same person.
December 4th, 2008 at 6:52 pm
I fuckin love that this thread has 86 comments … BALLIN! …info
December 5th, 2008 at 10:05 pm
You crushed ‘em
December 5th, 2008 at 10:31 pm
Leave Ryan Eagle Alone!!!
December 15th, 2008 at 10:46 pm
Grind All Day - Party All Night
BAHAHA
I hate this kid already
January 4th, 2009 at 2:54 am
I knew of Ryan Eagle because somehow i ended up on his blog one day. I have been waiting SOOO long for a post like this. Kids the biggest f*cking duchebag I have ever seen.
Mad Props Nickycakes.
February 1st, 2009 at 12:06 am
Yo i really do think this dude makes good money. But the whole gangsta persona is funny as shit. Not that i have anything against him but i just think he’s goofy. Its funny cuz i just e-mailed this kid about 5 minutes ago to see if he could lend a helping hand to me, or even a lil advice on affiliate marketing, and all he had to say was, “i dont really offer coaching.” Hate to break it to ya but im not looking for anyone to coazh me, just a lil advice on how to get on the right track. But since he didnt wana help me, if anyone here is willing to help or feels like shootin the shit, send me an e-mail me. Tozan22@gmail.com
February 17th, 2009 at 8:26 am
hahaha made my night! Wish I would of found you earlier cakes.
March 26th, 2009 at 12:28 pm
Why you hatin’ yo? lol
April 18th, 2009 at 7:47 am
That shit was hilarious.