2009 Top 10 Worst Make Money Online Sites
Happy holidays, and welcome to Nickycakes’ third annual installment of the Top 10 Worst Make Money Online Sites. If you have not had the opportunity, feel free to peruse the 2007 and 2008 editions of this list.
Every year, Nickycakes scours the web in search of the worst of the worst. As you are probably aware, by this point, there is a ton of crap on the internet. There is an even higher ratio of crap in the internet marketing field. It seems every retard finds it necessary to install wordpress and hock some god-awful e-book about article marketing for $49 hoping it will net them enough money to pay for their $5 a day office (starbucks).
So Nicky has once again put together a list of this years online embarassments. Great thanks go out to the guys at Wickedfire who contributed quite a bit to this list as well as Illeat and Barman who were also instrumental consultants.
Yes, Nicky realizes that he has given all these guys links, and do-follow ones at that. The hope is that they will see this link pop up in their wordpress console and come take a look and hopefully permanently shut down their sites as well as throw their computer away (for our sakes) AND possibly take a bath with heavy involvement of their plugged-in toaster.
So please, kick back and enjoy the top 10 absolute worst “make money online” sites for 2009.
10. Master List Builder
Nothing adds quite as much credibility as a fake TV show featuring yourself complete with fake Corinthian columns covered in plastic plants in the background. This guy claims to be some bigtime email spamming marketer who pulls in buckets of cash every month, but still finds time to write blog posts trying to sell his expensive “consulting services” or hock the latest worthless e-book garbage from mike filsaime.
9. SuperAff
Sometimes, Nickycakes is surprised that some people are able to figure out how to turn on their computer, let alone set up a blog and write articles for it, but somehow SuperAff has defied all odds and accomplished just such a feat. With enthralling articles like “The John Chow Effect” and “Is it really just $10 to own a domain name?” this guy is well on his way to becoming the next big thing in online marketing. Nickycakes’ favorite was his article called “Cleaning up Your Wordpress Blog” which talks about removing unnecessary things from a wordpress install, yet his blog features an empty “about” and “contact” page linked clearly at the top. Good job buddy!
8. Murray Newlands
For those of you who have never heard of Murray Newlands, (pretty much everyone on the planet) he is the Zac Johnson of the UK. His “affiliate marketing blog” is devoid of any actual information and is instead composed of crappy interviews, un-researched review posts, recommendations for services he’s obviously never himself tried, and some of the worst online marketing tips ever seen on the web. He wrote an entire post recently about getting traffic to your blog by doing lots of product reviews on Amazon, and then in your amazon profile putting a link to your blog. Nickycakes is guessing that his internal monologue goes something like, “Ok, so people will see that I’m writing all these awesome product reviews and want to know more about me! Then they’ll dig through amazon’s site to find my profile page (nobody would EVER do this) and THEN they’ll see that I’ve added a link to my blog and go ahead and click that.” Wow Murray, you are quite a genius. Here’s a better idea: Open the phone book…no forget that…just pick up your phone and dial random numbers, and then ask the person on the other end to read your blog. That’ll probably get you 10 times the traffic of that idea. You are sure to be as much of an innovation to the Affiliate Marketing world as toothbrushes would be to your homeland. Nickycakes being nominated for an Affiliate of the Year Pinnacle Award at ASW ‘10 is surprising enough, but less surprising knowing the powers that be nominated this guy for Blogger of the Year. Oh..and soccer is for pansies.
7. Jason M James
The Jersey Shore inhabitants are proud to have a mascot in the affiliate marketing worthless blogger circle. This is another retard who follows the John Chow business model. Make some terribad e-book report which you require your readers to sign up to your spam list to get, make a graphic of a fake book with yourself on the cover (in this case, himself with slicked back hair and sunglasses for maximum cool), and then make lots of posts. But in lieu of actual helpful information, make some happy sounding meaningless motivational crap posts. OMG WHAT A REVELATION, DON’T BE LAZY AND ACTUALLY DO WORK AND YOU MIGHT MAKE MONEY LOL. A recent post titled “Just Do It,” complete with a giant Nike logo that actually takes up more space than the text of the actual post, tells people to…just do work.
If that wasn’t quite enough, check out his intro youtube video in which he pretends to be on the phone, but has to hang up cause “there’s someone at my blog i really wanna talk to!” If you can somehow get past the absurd assumption that this fool actually has friends in real life, you’ll be surprised at how flamboyant this guy gets to try and squeeze another digital point lemming out of his subscriber base and into his spam list.
Jason, for everyone’s sake, stick to what you know: Tanning salons, protien shakes, fake gold chains, shiny shirts, and lip gloss.
6. Chris Desouza
Nickycakes is sure you have been wondering, just as he has, what ever happened to the Karate Kid? He kinda fell off after those movies, right? Well he’s been found. His name is Chris Desouza and he buys and sells domains. In addition to buying and selling domains, he enjoys rambling on his blog about whatever random crap he read on the news that day.
His blog may have one point been about domaining, or making money online in general, but those days are long past. It degenerated into the news-ramblings and then stopped altogether when his world was shattered by the death of jacko the pedo. Guess what Chris, most people don’t care about sicko mj dying. No need to go all emo about it. Not that MJ would care that you converted your worthless site into a memorial to him or anything, but it’s really kind of an eyesore.
There have also been reports of Chris making onlne death threats to anyone mentioning his name, especially in a bad light. These are especially troubling knowing his martial arts movie background, but Nickycakes welcomes any threats chris would like to make (his contact information is pretty easy to dig up!)
5. Cash Gift Trainer
Meet Scott Miller, the “Cash Gift Trainer.” What is cash gifting? It’s an illegal pyramid scheme disguised as a legitimate business opportunity. Basically they market it as a tax loophole which allows you to “gift” cash to people tax-free every year. So you sign up, pay some fee, and then pay some cash gift, maybe $2500 or so, which is given to the people above you in the pyramid with the premise that you will end up with 10 times that amount of money as new people sign up to the system. It’s your everyday ponzi scheme and relies on an exponentially increasing number of people to get suckered into joining after you in order for you to be paid. Feel free to read here about the illegality of these schemes (which should be obvious to anyone, let alone their destiny to fail). They claim it is legal based on a call they placed to the IRS in which they asked if it was legal to give money to people tax free. The IRS doesn’t make laws, and they only care about taxing an income source, not if that income source is legal or not.
Anyhow, scam aside, this guy’s page is hilarious. He’s got a pic with his family on the cover of some fake magazine to add credibility. His header is laced with grainy stock photos of happy families with money raining down upon them, presumably from the incredibly lucrative cash gifting program. He has, in true scammer fashion, superimposed his picture onto an artificial virtual picture of a book which he’s giving away free copies of. But Scott, if you’re making so much money, how come you can’t afford to send your kid to fat camp?
4. Nick Throlson
Just when you thought Tyler Cruz had the shittiest affiliate marketing blog on the planet, enter Nick Throlson. Before tearing this guy to shreds, lets let his posts do the talking. On the frontpage right now there are five posts. Four out of the five are poorly written advertisements for affiliate networks with his affiliate link in them. Not a single one of the networks mentioned is good. One of them is about 6 months old and he describes them as “better, faster, stronger then all the other competition CPA networks out there.” There’s about 0% chance he’s actually used them himself, in fact, they contacted Nickycakes earlier today by spamming his personal facebook trying to make him some offer write a review about their network (they obviously don’t read this site if they were thinking that would work). Another one of the networks he mentions split off from convert2media and stole a bunch of their website and business card design in the process, and now sends affiliate bloggers a greeting card and a $100 bill in exchange for a good review of their affiliate network. Are there people that seriously don’t see through this crap?
Oh, and the one post on his frontpage that is NOT a thinly veiled attempt at getting network referrals is an advertisement for his new social network: Twilight Community. Seriously. Apparently he has convinced himself he is a 13 year old girl after losing his manhood somewhere under his fat rolls. Twilight Community? You claim to be some expert at marketing and a social network for fans of Twilight is the best you can come up with?
Reading this fool’s site is more like comedy, so if you’re in need of a quick laugh, head on over and watch the hoops this fat monkey will jump through for a benjamin. Example:
Wait, did you really just pronounce Joomla as “Jah-moolah”? Twice???
3. Money Making Mommy
It’s unclear where the trend started. Mothers who also happen to have a computer with an internet connection are apparently now part of a club called “mommybloggers” and have even gotten their own amazing session at Affiliate Summit this year. Money Making Mommy is leading the Mommyblogger charge with her website which instructs women to do amazing work at home businesses such as “filling out online surveys” and “data entry.” DID YOU KNOW that you have the potential to make over $20 PER DAY filling out online surveys at home?!?!? That’s right! And it’s all thanks to Money Making Mommy. Have some self respect, Money Making Mommy! There are women all over the place banking off real online marketing while you’re telling them all they’re capable of doing are jobs that are normally outsourced to India for $.10 an hour. Now get in the kitchen and make me some damn cookies.
2. Steve Wagenheim
It’s almost not even worth writing anything about Steve Wagenheim and instead just letting you take a look around his site at the risk of letting you choke on whatever you’re drinking. It’s hard to believe this guy is a real person. He’s quite popular on the Warrior Forum, which, if you know anything about online marketing, you’ll know is the bottom of the barrel when it comes to the industry.
But don’t just take Nickycakes’ word for it. Please watch the following videos (a small selection out of about 50 he has made) to get an idea of why this guy is someone you should definitely trust with your money:
While watching this first one, you should ask yourself, “What in this video supports this guys claim that he makes 6 figures a year?”
While watching this second video, you should ask yourself, “Are the locks on my door in good shape?”
Yeah…and the grand finale, Steve’s tribute to Warrior Forum, in song form:
o.O <–literally
1. Dmore Got Stacks
Oh. My. God. Please just check the site, and enjoy the video. Be sure to keep your ears open for the following classic quotes:
“What it do mayne.”
“Da check will come thru ya email mayne”
“Go get dat google kit mayne”
“You see dat haircut, dats jus cuz i do numbaz man”
Bonus: Listen to the cameraman heavy breathing when he’s showing off his home office.
Good lord.
Oh and check the testimonials. “Aye! This ya boy Wyte Bread.” Oh man, this is really the future of online marketing guys, so pay attention!
Keep it real!
Steve is creepy that is all i will say. Really creepy..
NIck throlson is the LOL of the year
Are you sure his real name isn’t Steve Wagen-little-boy’s-heinies instead?
You need to throw a link on Chris Desouza’s shit to his other blog, where he drops the N word and spouts extreme racism. It’s at http://www.chrisdesouza.com (no /blog). Selling yourself short on that one, he’s a bigger douche nugget than anyone thought.
Yeah, dude’s off his rocker. Got funny aim logs?
Hey not to defend the whole james and kevin and not dstacks gotmoney pages. But they do seem like good landing pages for a certain demographic, they dont front as informative blogs such as a tyler cruz.. Just seems to me like an ultra targeted lander..
Also…where you think they get these cars and cash from? ?
Ha Ha Ha Ha this is funny stuff. I love this stuff. The best one of course is number 1, DmoreGot Stacks Har Har Har – This is hilarious stuff – I think Dmore could get some kind of award for internet humor or something.
I laughed my face off mayne! Thanks for the laugh of the month!
An example of the sewer gunk clogging up the online highway. Prime example of why Google will continue to make things a constant hassle for affiliates.
Get that Google kit mayne!…i’m still laughing
This is Solid Gold!
Spot on with Nick Throlson. The deep thoughts video at the playground or whatever is LOL! Someone needs to make a parody. Suprised he’s not selling his retarded sales copy skills, every network post is the exact same.
So sad that AFFbuzz even lists his blog.
Comment on the Youtube Video,
AcaiCarter (3 days ago) Show Hide 0 Marked as spam Reply Hey Nick! Watch my video on Acai Force MAX! I think it could really help you drop the pounds and get ripped FAST!
this one is missing:
http://newways2makemoney.com/
that site is pretty awful.. I would almost rather waste my time looking at what John Chow is going to eat for lunch.
haha…this was the best post I have read all year on any blog…thanks Nickycakes…I need this!! you are the man!!
Is it me or @1:26 and 6:13 on DMoreGotStacks…that the stickers on both cars windshields denote they were from a Used Car Lot??? Does he really own those cars then? or did he just buy them? you be the judge. lol.
Roland is correct. The man is on a test drive and has the car salesman doing the camera.
Did I hear someone say Mommy Blogger? Yup, some of us are leading the way in making money online and yes again, I am on that panel you mention. I should be a blast. I just hope I don’t make your next list
I have got a lot to learn but I hope it won’t be from some of these jokers
Thanks for the “who to stay far away from” list. Oh, and I have never heard of the Money Making Mommy – very interesting.
Steve Wagenheim is a Legend!
I quite literally cannot stop laughing. I knew there were some huge asshats in the Internet Marketing field, but Oh My God.
ROFL!! Christ, I haven’t laughed so hard since my St. Bernard took a dump on the threshold of the local Wal-Mart store. (I told them to send me the janitorial bill, and that I lived in Singapore – but only only less than 30 hours a week.)
Awesome stuff, Nicky. Nobody makes me cackle like you do.
Hahaha, how did I miss this earlier!?
Steve is the creepiest dude of all time. Nick Throlson, to my dismay, hasn’t graduated to the next level (as pointed out). And D’More? Oh baby… way to find that one! I’m stunned he thinks people will believe that Google sends you stacks of cash as revenue. Wow.
“Da check will come thru ya email mayne”
rofl
Haha, i would have to say that Dmore is my main mayne! Haha What it do Dmore, is hilarious!
Nice blog by the way Nicky, enjoyed reading some of your posts.
Dino | Dinono.com
you left one off the list,
http://www.howtospoter.com/
even the domain is spelled wrong!
“enough money to pay for their $5 a day office (starbucks)”
LOL
Just way tooo funny. Made my day, mayne!